The Crone, The Matron and The Maid

"Seriously," I say, and my voice is low and hard. "I'm not in the mood. Go." I turn away, desperately hoping that they will not follow. I need peace. I need quiet. I'm numb, but under the numbness, like the pain of a wound under the padding of a drug, I can feel panic and anger waiting. I need peace, badly.
There's silence behind me.

It takes a moment for me to find my voice "Liv if news like that came to anyone else would you leave them alone?" the question is worded softly and I know it isn't going to be taken well so I raise my hand to forstall an argument, and ward off the likely slap " it is a lot to take in yes but stop for a moment didn't a wise bard once say " grief shared is lessened" it is a shock but not one that needs to be born alone." gods I am going to get killed again if I don't learn when to shut up

I turn, my head swimming. My throat is tight, my hands balled into fists, and I can feel something hot rising in my chest. "I...I can't..." Unable to put it any of it into words, even a little of it, I shake my head hard. I can't take it. Not now. "I...just leave me alone." Turning, I march down the hall to my room, and close the door behind me. "Don't let them in." I whisper, the sound too high and too fast. "Please. Please just let me have some peace." And I feel the House acquiesce.

The group gaps after her as she storms down the hall and slams the door, which promptly reintegrates into the house, separating us from the room. Collapsing into a chair, Djehuty curses. "Damn. It. All." He massages his temple with a hand.

"drinking as tempting as it is going to be" I start redundantly "is officially a bad idea" i go into the kitchen to make a few mugs of tea kaija and lily both giving me dirty look which eventually rankle "What?" it comes out harsher then I intended partially from the annoyance partially from hot water sloshing over my hand. None the less I put some a cup in front of each of them and hand one to the story teller "can't say it will help the headache but it is a better set choice then alcohol for a warm belly right now"

"Men." Lily growls as Kaija nods her agreement. She looks down disparagingly at Djehuty, who, in turn, retreats into the folds of his coat. Satisfied, she stalks down the hall and a moment later her door slams, echoing Liv's.

Kaija doesn't even mutter at us, as she move off to her room offering only a strike to the back of my head by way of farewell. Causing me to grumble "so storyteller " I start slowly "how was wandering the lands of the fae

"Mad." He sits up a little straighter. "Their all mad as hell, though thank the gods most of the females have at least a spark of sanity. It was... a learning experience." He smiles at the memory.

Finally safe, safe in my own place, I let out a long, shuddering breath, slumping against the door. I lay my head on my knees, letting my shoulders slump. The numbness is wearing off, the shock fading, and with it the hope that this was all just an error, nothing really to do with me, none of my affair. They spoke my fate. They spoke my path. And now I will be trapped into it. With the thought, the first tears come.
I curl onto my bed, pulling a pillow tight against my chest. If only I could just stay in here and let it all go by, forget it all. Just make it go away, all of it. All I've ever wanted is peace, peace and to be let alone to be what I want to be, not what everyone thinks I am. And now I'm trapped, trapped into this destiny, trapped into being this thing for others who I barely can face at the best of times. I don't want it. I just want to be let alone, let to myself, why can't I have that?!
And why now?! Now, when I have finally come into my own?! I had just found a place where I could be, where I could stay, finally found friends I could keep. I finally fit. And now, just as I finally am really happy for the first time in fifty years, now this comes?! It's not right, not fair! Not now, not now, I finally belong, I don't want to lose this!
And how can they think that I can become this great hero? Pull worlds together?! It's mad! I'm just a girl, just a halfbreed girl! I can't do this, can't!
And pull the worlds together?! Are they crazy?! It will destroy the Kindred. We can't live among men; we tried and we failed. They would yoke us down and try to hold us and set us rules, and it would kill us! If I do this, I destroy my people! I destroy our way of life! And men would suffer too, unable to understand. It cannot be borne, can't...it would be a nightmare...terrible...terrible.
The whole thing, it's too much, all too much. Fear and anger and rage and shock roil in my chest, tightening my throat. I can't take this, I can't. It's too much, far too much. I curl into myself, weeping, my body shaking. All of it weighs me down, and it hurts, the pain and the anger with no outlet, it aches like a wound.
I can't take this. I'm going to break with it, go mad with it...squeezing my eyes tight, I cry out, and in the cry is all my pain, my need to escape...
My body shifts, rippling into otter shape, and I curl tight into a ball among my discarded clothes. Otters cannot cry. So I lie whimpering and moaning, though the pain is less now, less complex...and soon it is not there at all. Only weariness, and sleep like a drug.

my smirk comes back a shadow of it's normal self "careful Liv and Lily don't hear you say that, I think they both have enough on their plates right now" i notice i keep stealing glances down the hall to the bedrooms, Lil and kaija's doors still exist so we could talk to them, but kaija might put a knife in my gut and i don't know lily well. "Though i am curious the ladies said unite the worlds, wouldn't the way to do that being create a middle ground where we could mingle? like a border land?" the musings are to more to myself but it is an idea that has been tickling at my mind since the first poem and to voice it might help

I smile. "That might work for a short time; a neutral zone to keep warring factions apart. But I think the Cailleach wants more then a place where a tense truce holds sway. She believes that our peoples need each other, in symbiosis."

I place my hand on my bedroom door *Liv* I put in the otter's head *You have been my mother figure here, let me care for you. What can I do?*

Light, and voices. I curl further into the dark, further into the den of sleep, growling. Go away. Just let me be.

I work with all of my might to send her pictures of my face and of our times together on this journey. When I slept in her room crying because Liam didn't want me. When she tried to kill me in the catacombs. Our smiles-our lives *Then know I will be here when you wake.* I say as I turn from the door and lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

I look over at Dejhuty "I was thinking it would be more like a seed, nurture it and it will grow, it is a slow long view answer but it might help." the words don't sound quite right but i can't explain it better "kind of like our family here is, it starts small but has grown with each adventure not just in number but in spirit"

I giggle to myself as I faintly hear Liam discuss spirit. 'Spirit?' I think to myself, 'He wants spirit, eh? Well' As I scream into his head, if for no other reason but that fact that I haven't quite forgiven his traipsing around with Lily. And just to be on the safe side, I lock my door and place my bed in front of it in case the oaf tries to get himself killed again.

Djehuty nods contemplatively, "She knows the forms, the stories that have united peoples in the past. Mostly, they need a symbol to rise behind. Many would have our races live peacefully, if not together; and many simply believe that we are incompatible, put to the lie by half breeds like me and Liv." Looking up he sees a pained look stretch across Liam's face. "Kaija?" he winces.

I dully look down at my hand where i have shattered the mug when kaija decided to scream in my head "yeah" I manage to grind out, before smiling "tell me how does one commune with the house?" I smile realizing i have not tried and haven't the foggiest idea what to do "if she wishes to play this game i can play and make the rules much harder." shaking my head to clear it "and besides from what i have seen you and Liv have it moderately well, at least among the kindred elders. arrogance is not a uniquely human or kindred trait all it takes is one being saying "i am right because i say so" to prove that."

"I don't pretend it'll be easy. I don't believe I can think of anything more difficult, shattering preconceived notions." He looks down the hall toward where Liv's door should be. When he turns back, he does his best to change the subject. "As to the house... Just... talk to it," He shrugs

*You know, you could just make things better for once instead of running like a coward. My deceased brother should know better than that.*

" thanks Dejhuty" I say before I go to the freezer and begin pull out several frozen iteams before making my way to Kaija's door murmuring softly to it I ask it to quietly allow me entry so I can make peace with Little Kaija. "Kaija" I say in a false calm voice "open the door"

I smile to myself and say in a slave's voice "as it is ordered, Maistair." And yet fail to move.

glareing at the door because i hear her lack of movement I murmur to the house asking it to nicely create a second door. very nicely as i don't want to threaten it, it does after all let me live here, but still asking nicely "Kaija I am not playing" finally i see a portion of the paster kick out a few feet to the side I murmur a thankyou to the house before opening the new door, a puff of plasma dust i believe showing me the houses annoyance with our antics but that is ok sputtering a bit I look around the room, it still fits her but the lights are darker befitting her mood

"Oh, goody. A ghost." I growl as I roll onto my side in bed and cuddle under the blankets and close my eyes. As Liam's door shut's behind him, I softly ask the house to make him a new one and casually point at it to ask him to leave.

I smirk, since she is hiding under her blankets i grab and and and wrap them tightly around her "No, Kaija." I say calmly too calmly. As i pull the corner from over her head and grab first a bag of frozen peas "you decided to scream in my head. you need to cool off" I proceed to dump said bag down her back holding the blanket so she doesn't squirm out of it.