To be lost in thought is a terrible fate indeed

Old memories I have been unable to think of have begun to play in my mind. Memories of atrocities committed out of bitterness and rage. When I embraced the monster I had become and wanted to world to suffer as I was.

Finally I give up on sleep, and extricate myself from Kaija's sleeping grip. The mild bruises I got as I sank into sleep a small price to pay. I make my way out of my room and down the hall. Splashing water on my face I look into the mirror wondering if the specter I see looking back is me or not.

Walking out I see a new door across the hall and make my way in, the room is filled with mirror upon mirror and to my eyes are me in different stages of the monstrous existence I had. Some leering with murder in their eyes, some half decayed and reveling in the horror they visited upon the people they inflicted their presence on. Clothing from era upon era, weapons, armor. Sometimes grafts ranging from the symmetrical to the abstract.

If the images weren't enough, they start talking.
Gods the voices, how did any one stand for me to address them? Flat and broken, speaking of a hatred for all things that breath and laugh.

They start as barest whispers but steadily grow louder and and louder until they thunder in my ears. Heedless of my sleeping Companions I cry out in rage my bare fist striking the first mirror, which only leads to the voices getting louder. Recounting in macabre joy the horrors I had visited on innocent people as I wore each of those faces. Again I strike and again, glass shattering under my hand unable to quell the need for more. I become dimly aware of the scent of blood in the air. It could only be mine, no matter. I yell again, and again, striking out at each of the abominations I see I had once been, and yet there are always more, three seem to pop up for every one I break.

The scream rips through the house, making me sit up with a gasp, setting my book aside, blinking. Damn, what the hell was that? I glance out the window at the moon that I had been reading by; it's past my second sleep of the night, must be around 4am.
I snatch a shirt, and lean over the bed, shaking Djhuety. "Hey. Wake up. Trouble."

Waking drowsily, Djehuty blinks a moment as another howl rips through the house again, pain and anger intermixed in the cry. Cursing under his breath, he grabs his coat, not bothering with a shirt, and pushes open their door ahead of Liv.

Just in case, I grab my knife and stick it into the belt of my jeans before taking off down the hall. That was Liam's voice. I rush to his door, but his room is empty. I hiss, and turn...to find another door, standing open. With a glance at Djhuety, I step warily inside at his side.
"Liam!'
I've never seen my friend so...chaotic. His mind's like a storm at sea, if storms were colored in hues of red and grey. He's curled on the floor. I drop to my knees, my action mirrored in the walls. "Flint and dark water...he's a mess." I glance up at Djhuety, my eyes wide.

A stunned look over his face, Djehuty steps back to the door. "Send him as deep into sleep as you can... We need Kaija here." Worry slips his voice as he darts out the room to Liam's and beats on the door to wake her. "If you care at all for him, you need to go to him now." The sleepy stricken girl blinks a moment, then Liam cries out again, stirring her to action.

Leaving the room, Djehuty next thinks of Lily, and whispering again,"'You forgot the locks, Lily," he pushes into her room. Lily looks at him, stunned and angry, even as he takes her by the wrist. "Get yourself out of bed and attend me," he orders, and pulls her to sitting, before turning on his heal and leaving. Rushing, she dresses, bumping Kaija as she crosses into the hall to the agonized sounds of Liam's tormented sleep.

Exhaustion hit, my feet no longer able to stay under me as I went back to the middle of the room I am not sure that my normal reflection doesn't look like some of the specters I can see still leering at me through the mirrors. I can hear someone say my name but it is almost lost in voices thundering in my ears

I look up as the group piles back in. "If he was any deeper asleep he'd be in a coma...but something's giving me trouble. His emotions are still going crazy, even in sleep. I...I can't get him to calm down, not really."

I walk up behind my older brother, grabbing him about the waist, I use all of my strength to pull him from the floor and into his bed. Once again, I resume my place of protection. Curled upon his sleeping body, I refuse to allow anyone near him.

I can feel hands on me, i can't see anything new just the mirrors, and the specters within. I can feel the weight of the horrors I committed like a crushing weight. I keep struggling to rise but I can't it is like my body is unwilling to respond to the man inside. the specters begin circling me through the mirrors heedless of frame or my lack of movement. they stood standing while I fell.

I study him. "Gods...I don't even know where to start...what the hell is wrong with him?"

I glare out at everyone, not wanting to fight a single one of them *STAY AWAY! THIS IS MY FAULT!* I scream into Liv's mind. *LET ME FIX IT* I finish, my volume growing even louder.

Liv winces visibly, her knees going weak under the assault; moving as quick as he can, Djehuty takes her weight and glares at Kaija. "Do something like that again, and I'll turn you off for a good long while," he growls, caressing Liv's temple with his palm.

"You turn me off, and he goes back to that state." I tell Djheuty calmly. "Pick your battles, friend."

"You kid yourself if you believe that." Djehuty looks at Liam's prone form, twitching even now in Kaija's grip, "And if you're as smart as you believe you are, you'll not drive us away like a hound too loyal to allow a servant to aid his stricken master."

more voices behind the voices, why are they familliar, can't hold a thought straight in my head, too much, too many voices to many memories, I struggles to stand again, the specters still circling behind their glass walls

I shake my head, growling, and wobble back to my feet. "Kaija, you are not helping. At all. And besides, his head...he's as fragile as eggshells, and no offense, but your mental touch is by no means gentle. You're not going to do any good. Back off okay?"

"He won't let anyone else in. You turn me off, I can't bring him back." I gesture in Lily's direction, "You have more faith in that child than in me? This is my brother, my Master. Let me try. If I fail, I lay my life before you. Take it, end it." I pause here to undo the bandage on my hand. "Carve my other hand if I fail."

"And what the hell good would that do?!" I demand, holding her eyes, "That'd do no one any good. I don't give a piece of iron whose fault it is, you idiot girl, I just want to figure out what the hell is wrong with my friend and fix it, and if you go in there with your mental bullhorn and jackboots, you'll just make it worse. I don't have time to deal with your emotions, girl. His are a lot worse and a lot more messed up. Let us help!"

*Liv* I place in her mind, softly, honestly *This is not born of emotion-I lived with him. I've dealt with these on smaller scales for other reasons. Are you going to trust a person who knows him inside and out, or refuse to let me aid him?* My words beckon and beg her, hoping for any glimmer of a chance she will let me help.

I begin to strike the mirrors again. They don't simply break, it is more like a door opening, glass ripples under my touch and a decayed hand comes out, followed soon by iron boots and a man in clothing i have not worn since the time of Y's the cadavers grin mocking in it's joy and malice. the voice gets louder, another, then another of the spectres come through the door I inadvertently made.

I frown from the girl to her brother. Under the sleep, there's another lightning flash of bright red. Damn, we don't have time for this...
As calmly as I can, I turn back to Kaija, holding her gaze, taking her hand. "Kaija, little sister, listen to me. You love your brother very much. But you do not know him as you say. None of us do. You lived with him when he was a boy and you are his dearest sister. But you must remember, he has been alone for a very, very long time. He has seen many things. He is older than my own Grandmother, whatever he may seem on the surface. Older than most I know, in either world." I can see the pain in her head, so dark, and the tears welling in her eyes. With a faint smile, I stroke her hair, though she pulls away from the touch. "Kaija, don't be angry. You need to understand. You are a gifted telepath, but even when you're cheerful, your mind has a weight and power that can be uncomfortable, a pressure. I can always feel it. If I, who have nigh on eighty years of experience with such things, am sometimes almost overwhelmed with the force of your thoughts, think what they will do in a chaotic mind that has no control right now. You could hurt him. Or, in his fear and anger, he could hurt you, lash out at you. His mind is a storm right now. He wouldn't know he'd hurt you any more than the sea understands the drowning of men." I take a deep breath. "You say you've dealt with something of this kind before. So help us. Tell us what you usually do, and let us help. There is no shame in admitting that you need another hand on the net. If the three of us, you and Lily and I, work together, we can help him. Help me. Work with me. All right?"

"Liv, think back to our girl's night. There was no weight then. It was calm, cool, wonderful. I typically only use my Gift when angry or fighting. Why can't you believe in me? How am I supposed to work with doubt looming over my head?"

I draw a deep, calming breath, holding Kaija's eyes. The girl was right. She had a point. Hadn't I seen her do things with pinpoint accuracy when she was calm? If she could stay calm, then perhaps...
"Okay. Tell us what to do. Tell us how to help."

*Liv, can I trust you? With EVERYTHING?* I did not shout the final word, simply placed emphasis upon it to show her the importance. *Can you keep Djheuty away from a secret? Can you withhold something from your beloved?*

Now it is she who holds my gaze. I smile very slightly. *I'm half Kindred, Kaija. My beloved he is, but he does not know my name, nor many other things. I keep my own council well. Have no fear.*